Amateur Professional

It's never too late to spread some Santorum, Rick.

So it looks like it’s official: Mitt Romney is going to be the Republican presidential candidate for the elections this November, especially after Santorum spread the announcement about how he’s slipping right out of the race.  Now, with the Magical Underpants-wearing Romney being offered little to no resistance from “Captain Happy” Newt Gingrich and “Why Won’t Anyone Freaking Listen To Me” Ron Paul, the brainchild behind Obamacare is devouring delegates left and right like some sort of coked-up Hungry Hungry Hippo.

However, Santorum and his slick, brown sweater vests might be down on all fours when it comes to Romney, but he’s not completely bottomed out yet, as reports are bubbling up that a frothy mix of grudging respect and détente may be dribbling forth from the back door.  A meeting has been set up between the two sometime next week, and the results may be that Santorum will begin to gush over Romney in a massive volume in an effort for the Stormin’ Mormon to secure the conservative voters that just love the look and feel of Santorum.

Tap some Santorum today.

Many have said that the Santorum camp might be looking to pull out a Pyrrhic victory from its posterior by perhaps applying a little elbow grease to Romney’s deep pockets; in return for an endorsement, we might begin to see “Romney/Santorum 2012″ stickers on the back bumpers of BMWs and broken-in pickup trucks with gun-racks everywhere.  This veritable flood of Santorum as far as the eyes can see (though, fittingly, with Romney on top), could be right around the corner, though Santorum is going at it hard by saying there’s not any sort of quid pro quo at work in exchange for any endorsement that might seep out from his usually tight-lipped staff.

Honestly, Santorum is in deep, especially since the campaign ran up a huge $1.9 million before throwing in the sweaty Santorum-soaked towel. Maybe Romney will toss him a little cash in exchange for an endorsement – and maybe he’ll throw in a new pair of magic underwear, to boot.  Honestly, I can’t see how Romney could go wrong in bending over backwards for the man, especially if he wants to build consensus as he goes down on the campaign trail – it’s common knowledge that conservative Americans love the taste of Santorum.  In fact, Santorum’s popularity among the more straitlaced and morally upright members of American society is just mind-blowing; it seems that massive numbers of people just can’t get enough of Santorum, even with the messy residue left on the bedsheets of the American voting public after a long, hard primary campaign filled with spirited ejaculations from candidates on nationally televised debates.

Sadly, this isn't photoshopped.

Time will only tell what the former Pennsylvania senator has in store for us, but I’m sure that Santorum-related news will spread like a water-based lubricant over the blogosphere in no time in the event of any more startling development spewing forth like a great, muddy geyser.  Let’s be honest: it’s a serious matter, and should be discussed with the utmost of dignified discourse.