So you’re not going to believe this but there’s a new no-strings-attached casual sex hookup site targeted specifically towards gamers. And it’s $30 a month. Apparently nobody’s told these idiots about Craigslist.
How the hell did I find out about this abomination? No, I’m not cheating on my fiancée – I actually found out about this thanks to my day job. I work for a client in the UK that needs marketing copy for dating websites, and the big news is apparently some British dating service had decided to “expand” its offerings by breaking out into the gaming subculture, only to discover that the people using their site weren’t looking for relationships or anything, just hook-ups – so they went ahead and came out with a site specifically for sweaty, Cheetos-dust stained sex.
Can you imagine the user base for this website? It’s going to be 99% unwashed fat twenty-somethings sporting scraggly neckbeards and living in their parents’ basements, surrounded by empty 2 liter bottles of Pepsi One and used tissues that smell vaguely of bleach. I guess even the most socially awkward shut-ins have urges they can’t sate simply from arguing on the internet over what Tali from Mass Effect’s sweat tastes like.
Could you imagine one of these lunatics trying to fit in on, say, OkCupid or eHarmony or something? This whole crusty demographic of people who fear soap and razor blades – and slip into apoplexic rage whenever someone mentions casual gaming - trying to find someone to scratch their itch? The thought of imagining a set of spaghetti-stained clothes strewn across the floor is frightening enough, but now double it. And add in some awkward moans and groans. Yeah, try to get that out of your mind without an ice pick.
I can’t imagine too many members of the opposite sex signing up for a service like this. And that’s the thing – there’s apparently no LGBT section for this website, which strikes me as odd since there’s a strong contingent of “gaymers” out there (I hate that fucking phrase, but it’s a useful portmanteau). And in the end, does it really matter how high your kills-to-deaths ratio is on League of Legends when it comes to getting someone to fuck you? Whatever happened to getting laid the old-fashioned way – lying through your teeth to make yourself look interesting to the other person?
I’ll be in my bunk.